Get an earring

  Grow or keep a ponytail

  Favor running shoes or sneakers as primary footwear

  Wear baggy jeans

  Be the old guy at the young bar

  Get "into" rap music

  Start tanning again

  Wear blue jean short

  Take up snowboarding

  Get tattooed

The 84th Academy Award nominees were announced early this morning in LA, with Martin Scorsese’s ‘Hugo’ headlining things with 11 nominations, followed by silent movie ‘The Artist’ getting 10. Other things that jump out are ‘Drive’ getting shut out, Michael Shannon not getting a nomination for ‘Take Shelter’, and two nominations for ‘Bridesmaids’ (supporting actress and screenplay).  I've only seen Bridesmaids out of all of those movies.  Why is it that the Oscars only recognize grainy, depressing films about a circus performer who struggles with depression while helping his dying family relive his blurry childhood?

I mean....overall, this list is pretty bad.  It’s boring, AND the show has Billy Crystal for a host. Which means I will have shot a flaming arrow into my TV by about the 20 minute mark.

Best Picture

The Artist

The Descendants

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

The Help

Hugo

Midnight in Paris

Moneyball

The Tree of Life

War Horse

Best Director

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Alexander Payne, The Descendants

Martin Scorsese, Hugo

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Terrence Malick, The Tree of Life

Best Actor

Demián Bichir, A Better Life

George Clooney, The Descendants

Jean Dujardin, The Artist

Gary Oldman, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Brad Pitt, Moneyball

Best Actress

Glenn Close, Albert Nobbs

Viola Davis, The Help

Rooney Mara, The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Meryl Streep, The Iron Lady

Michelle Williams, My Week With Marilyn

Best Supporting Actor

Kenneth Branagh, My Week With Marilyn

Jonah Hill, Moneyball

Nick Nolte, Warrior

Christopher Plummer, Beginners

Max Von Sydow, Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

Best Supporting Actress

Bérénice Bejo, The Artist

Jessica Chastain, The Help

Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids

Janet McTeer, Albert Nobbs

Octavia Spencer, The Help

Best Original Screenplay

Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

J.C. Chandor, Margin Call

Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

Asghar Farhadi, A Separation

Best Adapted Screenplay

Alexander Payne, Jim Rash & Nat Faxon, The Descendants

John Logan, Hugo

George Clooney, Grant Heslov & Beau Willimon, The Ides of March

Aaron Sorkin & Steven Zaillian, Moneyball

Peter Straughan & Bridget O’Connor, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

It may not be true that Beyonce and Jay Z spent $1.3 million to rent out the entire floor of her hospital maternity ward, thus giving their baby a warped sense of entitlement from the very beginning, but they did apparently spend $3,500 on a baby crib, or as Mariah Carey would call it, “a cheap piece of crap.”  Us Weekly says:

Beyonce purchased the pricey NurseryWorks VETRO Lucite crib at a NYC boutique in November, a source tells Us Weekly.  (They’re also) building a 2,200 square foot nursery in their downtown New York City apartment, and the baby will reportedly take her baths in a pink Swarovski-crystal studded Baby Diamond Bathtub worth $5,200.

Not only that, but they even upgraded their real baby by replacing it with an Asian one who has already composed her first symphony.

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Elizabeth Taylor hasn’t even been dead a year yet, so of course Lifetime is considering being the first to make her turn over in her grave.  The source says:

[Lindsay] Lohan, 25, is in talks to play Elizabeth Taylor in the upcoming Lifetime biopic “Elizabeth & Richard: A Love Story.” An individual familiar with the negotiations told TheWrap that Lohan is in early conversations about the project.

Surprising resemblances aside, the real news here is that Lindsay Lohan has been reduced to making Lifetime movies of the week, which makes me sad.  But it must make Jennifer Love Hewitt feel awesome.  On that note, I should go stand outside her house selling Ben & Jerry’s for $50 a pint.

Why is Justin Bieber at the beach with Jerry Sandusky?  LOL kidding

Since I know you guys love Justin Bieber, I thought I'd include a pic of him running around Cabo with a “family friend”.  So for comedy’s sake, let’s assume this dude is Jerry Sandusky and he’s teaching Justin how to be tough so dudes stop making fun of him:

JERRY: Alright, Justin, now the first step to earning a man’s respect is wrestling him behind a sand dune.
JUSTIN: Sure thing, coach!
JERRY: Wow. You’re not even going to question that?
JUSTIN: Golly willikers, coach, why would I do that?
JERRY: I prayed my whole life for a boy like you… *wipes tear*

A lot of people say LeAnn Rimes stole Eddie Cibrian from his previous wife Brandi Glanville, but I'd like to think Eddie Cibrian looked in the mirror and said, "hey, Brandi isn't always in a bikini and bringing me beers." The only way this picture could possibly be any better is if LeAnn Rimes could summon hot wings and a free subscription to NFL Sunday Ticket with her mind.Speaking of celebs on vacation:

Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough spent another day in St. Barts, diving off the front of their enormous yacht and jumping waves on a jetski. And the jetski was made of gold, with pink diamonds for buttons, and then they rode around on a pegasus who was also made of gold.

That's a pretty normal vacation, right?